The Syndrome

I've hesitated to post about this. Its very personal, slightly depressing for me, and not something I want to necessarily be asked about much... and I'm not entirely sure who all reads this thing. But I've talked it over with Jason and I've decided to go ahead. This blog is about me, what my interests are and what's going on in my life. And this is definitely a 'going on in my life' one might say.

Fair warning, this is a long entry and I'm going to talk about womanly problems. Don't be squeamish now.

Some of you know that Jason and I have been trying to get pregnant since last Dec - with no luck, just a lot of tears. For a few years now I haven't been exactly normal as far as monthly cycles go, I just kinda considered it normal for me.

Last year in the summer (2007, before we started trying) it got ... well, gonna skip the details on that one... and I went to get checked out and ended up having surgery to remove endometrial polyps. That was a first for me - surgery. And it was surgery in rather sensitive area for a woman-maybe more mentally than physically, but ... well, no woman of 27 wants to have surgery on her uterus. It turned out not to be a horrifying experience after all. And I thought 'All right, we've fixed whatever problems have been going on, let's get on with the baby making.'

That was not the case however... and after another year of strangeness- and the previously mentioned tears- I headed back to the doc last month. Turns out the polyps - totally unrelated - where hiding another issue. There was some blood taking and a sonogram involved, and I have been diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS).

PCOS is not rare, around 5% of all women have it and it's the leading cause of infertility. There is tons of literature out there for it, even support groups. I may have this all my life, but it's treatable with meds.

Basically I'm not ovulating every month - only 3 or 4 time a year. We may have been able to eventually get pregnant on our own. But sometimes the ovaries just hang onto the egg, because they're not being told to let it go. One of the hormones needed to kick off this very important part of the process is missing a few of it's scheduled appointments. Now there is a build up of follicles causing all kinds of nasty symptoms - the follicles increase estrogen levels that the body then turns into testosterone because it doesn't need it. If you check out the Wikipedia page, there is a sonogram picture of an ovary, the black spots are the follicles- mine looks just like it. I don't have all the symptoms yet and may never have gotten some of them (acne is one thing but lets try to avoid the hair loss please). But we're going to get control now and possibly get rid of the problem altogether.

To get me back on course, the doctor has put me on Metformin and Clomid. While I am not diabetic (another symptom of PCOS), Metformin will help with insulin resistance and also help the second med to work better. And Clomid will make the ovulation cycle start on time.

When you read about this stuff online, it sounds a lot scarier than the doctors make it sound. I have a syndrome. While it bothers me on some levels, I think I'm OK for the most part. I feel like I finally have a reason for some things - things that are wrong with me, that I felt uncomfortable and depressed about maybe. Ah, something to blame my issues on.

Sorry if I'm dramatic - I just really wanted everyone to know. What better way than blog about it - let everyone know at once.

If we never have a baby, it will be OK. Maybe God doesn't have that plan for us. But I'm not giving up on it yet, not without a fight.